Finding Yourself Again in Your Marriage

Reconnect with your needs, your identity, and yourself.

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Have You Lost Yourself in Your Marriage?

Maybe you have asked yourself this question. maybe even more than once. It often includes thoughts like: I don’t know who I am anymore? What happened to me? What am I going to do now that my children are almost grown? What happened to the woman who was so happy to be married? Where did she go?

She’s still there: that woman you used to know. She has hidden a lot of her own needs in order to make the family work better and her partner relationship work better.

For many woman, they start by being really happy that they have a partner and/or a family now. That really is a wonderful part of life. But obstacles do occur. In today’s world, you may also have a full-time job outside the home. You may have children that have to be driven to sports and events. You may or may not have a partner that helps you with all of these things. An older parent needs extra care, or your job suddenly requires a longer commute or you have to find new childcare.

Men start their marriage, knowing that their ‘chase’ has been successful; he has caught her, now he has a partner (and free sex) for life and may end up also having a family. He may also expect her to cook, do laundry, or give him a list of chores to do. I mean, who wouldn’t want a wife? I would love to have someone do all of that for me. I don’t blame men for accepting what our society has given them. To a man, he has done his work when the wedding finally happened. To the woman, their lives together have just begun.

No matter that both of you have jobs (you and your partner). Our world still sees the inside of the household as the woman’s responsibility and the man’s responsibility as the outside of the home. If the house is messy, your visitor leaves thinking: ‘oh, that more man, look what he has to live with.’ If the lawn has not been mowed for a while or the driveway is full of junk or cars-under -repair, the visitors or passersby think: ‘What’s wrong with that guy—can’t he take care of his own home?’

So, our society currently gives men more time and energy for themselves and their ‘outside the home’ work. You may love your partner very much but feel kind of left out in the bargain.

How to Find Yourself Again Without Leaving Your Marriage

Sometimes you may wonder if you’re going to be part of that 50% divorce rate, possibly not understanding how we need to change how marriages work, in order to last for the long-term.

Many people don’t want to attend marriage or couples’ counseling, because they fear that addressing specific conflicts may make a divorce more of a reality.

The main reason that couples’ counseling/marriage counseling are two-fold:

  1. The couple waits too long to get some help. The sooner you take care of smaller problems, the shorter time in therapy and the more lasting and effective are the results.

  2. One or both partners are ‘past the point of no return. They are attending couples therapy because they think they should give it one last try before they give up on their relationship. If the difficulties have been happening for years, nothing is going to likely to change at this point. You are just ‘doing your

What Works Better?

  1. Stop trying to communicate your needs to your partner over and over and not feeling heard. Men do not value words as much as women. Many men have told me that they shut down after there are ‘too many words:’ they are not listening anymore. They pay more attention to actions and experiences.

  2. Come for relationship advice earlier and attend sessions by yourself.

When we work together, I will help you to:

  • Identify What’s Really Happening

  • Respond Differently to Conflict

  • Strengthen Your Sense of Self

  • Create Meaningful Change


And the best part?  The methods I will recommend to you are NOT adding to anger and conflict.  The changes are usually small and subtle with much bigger results, so that you have the energy to be YOU again.